I thought when I opened Lighthouse that I had to be my best self. That I had to have it all figured out. I set very strict standard for how I would maintain my best figured out self. Best self? What does that even MEAN?
Here was my list:
- Wake up and practice yoga at 7am every morning.
- Take at least one yoga class a day on top of that.
- Eat only happy healthy green food.
- Don’t drink, or over indulge in sweets.
- Don’t watch TV.
- Stay off the book of faces.
- Walk Mini twice a day.
- Meditate, read, and journal everyday.
- Be in bed by 9pm every night.
THIS, This I thought would bring me closer to my joy. If I just followed all of these rules I would always remember my bliss and be an example for living a healthy, happy lifestyle. Wow, Bridget. Wow. How little I knew.
Turns out, this routine did not bring me joy. And each time I failed to do something on that list, I felt like a failure. It put me in a box and made me miserable, isolated, and incredibly lonely. Whenever I wanted to eat a piece of cake or watch TV to zone out, I felt like I was staring my imperfection in the face. I’ve always known I was my own worst critic, but I thought practicing yoga and eating healthy was the way to shut that critic up. I was wrong.
Let me be really clear when I say…. I know very, very little. Poses, mantras, breathing exercises? Sure, I got a decent handful in back pocket, but how to live life? Well…let’s just say I’ve progressed from crawling to standing.
Here’s what I do know.
Here’s what frees me from my box of high standards.
- It is more important to show up as your authentic self than worry about being your best.
- The more we can love ourselves, our imperfect humanness, the happier we will be and the more love we will have to share with the world.
I can’t promise my students that I will always be my best self. I’m only 27 and I’m bound to make a few more mistakes along this journey. But I can promise that I will always show up as my truest self. And I will always bring love with me.
I think what frees us from our pain, suffering, and loneliness is recognizing that we are not alone in it. It doesn’t’ serve anyone to go around singing I do yoga, I eat healthy, life is so perfect!
When we bring our Authentic self to the table, and say Life is hard. I struggled with that too. Or I feel lost. I’ve been stuck there. I know that ugly feeling. That’s when the struggle lessens, and we can start to float.
Building a community of Lighthouses is not about being your most perfect shiny self. It’s about embracing the messy, ugly parts of yourself, and loving them too. Recognizing that we are all human trying to figure this journey of life out, and no one really knows what they are doing.
Except maybe the Dalai Lama.
So, my students, my friends, my teachers …my message …my commitment to you is this.
You are safe here. To be your most broken vulnerable self. To be your blissful awesome self. I invite you to come as your most Authentic self in all your Glory. Happy, sad, excited, anxious, joyful, fearful. I welcome it all with open arms. I will cry and laugh with you. Sit with you in times of pain, and rejoice with you with each new discovery. I will do my best to lay my armor down, and show you when I am struggling too. I will be honest about the lessons I am going through, and share them with you. Together we will learn how to live authentically, lovingly, and in a way that won’t just serve our own bliss…but free others to find theirs as well. I accept you with Love and non-judgment and will hold your hand as we learn how to love ourselves and this world more. That’s what a Lighthouse is.